Cookies can wait. Your spouse can’t.

Let's get right to it: couples drift apart because they stop sending each other the one message everybody craves:

“I want you. I desire you.”

Let that sink in.

If intimacy (emotional and physical) takes a back seat to surface-level stuff like parenting, housework, or bread-winning, you’re not just keeping busy… you’re letting the fire go out.

And when that happens? The twinkle fades. The flower wilts.

You’re walking too close to the edge of the cliff without a harness.

Attraction, flirting, fun, and excitement aren’t “extras.” They’re the foundation.

In my marriage? I chase Meredith around the house all day, every day. Not just for sex, but for hugs, kisses, smiles and check-ins.

But don’t mistake my initiation as one-sided.

I want her love and attention in return.

Case in point: I got home after a weekend of writing at our beach house.

All I wanted was to cuddle and reconnect once the girls went to bed. Instead, Meredith started making cookies for their lunches.

I told her straight up:

“Cookies can wait. We can send them with store-bought if need be. I want time with you.”

We got over it quickly and had our time together. But the exchange reminded me that marriage isn’t built on duties alone. 

It’s built on desire. On the message:

“You matter more than the to-do list.”

Because the silent question in every marriage is this: “Am I still important to you? Do you still want me?”

And trust me, you don’t want your spouse asking those questions.

‘Cause if they have to, then that’s a sign that disconnection is creeping in like weeds in the garden.

***

Now, because I hate talking relationship theory without giving you something you can do right now to make your relationship better, here’s a simple conversation starter you can ask your spouse tonight:

“What’s one thing I could do this week that would make you feel deeply desired by me?”

This is what my “Chosen & Cherished Method” is all about… helping couples send the right message, every single day. The message that keeps passion alive and love undeniable.

Give that a try with your spouse, and let me know how it goes.