How I earn Meredith’s trust, day after day…

Most people think trust is a feeling.

“I don’t feel safe.”

“I can’t rely on you.”

But trust doesn’t grow from feelings. It grows from fairness, loyalty, and reliability.

Every couple keeps a scorecard, whether they admit it or not. You give. You receive. And you expect it to equal out, more or less.

Your efforts should match. When they do, you build trust that your partner is both reliable and predictable.

But tilt that scale (with one of you giving more than you receive), and trust erodes.

Meredith and I have two wildly different roles in our home in this phase of our life. She’s the default parent. I’m the default provider. It hasn't always been like this, and it will change in the future. 

But right now, what it means is that it is nearly impossible to make a side-by-side comparison of how each of us contributes to our family.

She does all the bedtimes. I do all the dishes.

She homeschools our girls with trips to the park. I work in my home office from 8 to 6.

Could either of us say who has it easier? No. And we’re not interested in comparing anyway.

We’re not racing to outdo one another. Or make the other feel bad about what they don’t bring to the table.

Because we focus on fairness. And here’s how we do it:

1. Trust is built on action, not talk.
Words don’t win anyone’s trust back. Reliable, good choices do. Every act of honesty, every loyal gesture, every follow-through on a promise makes deposits. Over time, those deposits prove your love.

2. Broken trust ‘unevens’ the score.
A lie, a deleted text, or even pulling away tips the scale in the wrong direction. This kind of behavior holds no place in a healthy relationship, if maintaining a deeply connected one matters to you.

3. Distrust feeds on disconnection.
When someone feels unseen, they focus on what they think they’re owed. They focus on the ‘lack’... which is the very thing they don’t want. And that focus destroys the safety they were desperate to restore.

4. Repair means owning it, not whitewashing it.
You can’t buy back trust without stepping up and claiming responsibility for how you broke it in the first place. You rebuild trust by facing the damage and paying it back... slowly, daily, consistently.

5. Repair is mutual.
The betrayed partner’s pain deserves space. But the partner making repairs deserves credit for every step forward. Ignore their effort to repair and you feed resentment. And that’ll make reconnection nearly impossible.

***

Trust won’t return overnight. But it will return... with consistent action, responsibility, and accountability.

So don’t just say sorry. Don’t just beg for forgiveness when you’ve let each other down.

Start making daily deposits into your relationship.

And watch your connection return.