They're Halfway Out The Door - Now What?

Welcome back to week 2 of the Letter. If you found last week's letter helpful enough that I've kept your attention for another week, then I'm chalking that up as a huge win for me. That means I'm fulfilling my mission.

On that note, I need your help. I want to hear what you think, get your questions, share in your wins, and destroy those self-limiting doubts… so if you need to talk, don't hesitate to take the step and hit that reply button.

You're getting me — not some community manager I've hired to grow my business. My business isn't more views, clients, fame or fortune. My business is sharing with you everything I can to help you build the marriage of your dreams.

Now, on to this week's topic: What do you do when your spouse tells you “I'm not sure I'm in this anymore” ?

Or worse — they don't say anything, but their silence says it for them.

As I shared in the last newsletter, a follower recently sent me a message that basically said his marriage was in rough water. His wife wasn't feeling it anymore. Had feelings for another. And with 2 kids, he desperately wanted to know how to pull her back in and get her to want to build a better future together.

That kind of message? Well, it stops you cold.

Because when your spouse checks out — emotionally, mentally, or physically — it feels like the walls are closing in.

You want to cry. You want to beg. You want to shake them and say:

“How can you throw this away?”

But let me stop you right there.

If you're going to save your marriage, you can't panic.

You need a game plan. And of course, that's what you're gonna get from me — and it's why you're here! So here's what you do:

Step One: Sell them what they want. But give them what they need.

They say they want space.

They think they want you to change.

But what they really need? A reminder of why this love mattered in the first place.

So instead of apologizing endlessly or begging them to stay, ask:

“When did you stop feeling chosen by me?”

“What pain of yours have I moved past too quickly?”

“What would showing up better look like to you — for real?”

No accusations. No ultimatums.

Just curiosity + courage.

Step Two: Don't agree to a “trial separation” too quickly. Actually, don't ever agree with separation… it'll lead to the slow (or fast) death of your relationship.

I don't care what your therapist told you — if your partner says, “I need space,” and your first move is to give it to them… You're playing right into the disconnection.

Separation doesn't make people miss you. It makes them forget you.

And while you're giving them space, guess who's filling their mind?

Friends. Co-workers.

They'll find an echo chamber and fill it with people who don't know your whole story and will gladly affirm theirs.

And there will be no-one in their life presenting them the contra-evidence of why they should stay and work on it.

You want to know what to say when they ask for space? Try this:

“I don't want a separation — it'll just create more distance.

You may think it'll lead to less pain, and it will. But it'll open the door to new pain… the kind you can't see right now.”

Step Three: Tell them why it's a bad idea.

If I was leaving any relationship, I'd never make a decision like that coming from a place of pain.

Just like I wouldn't do anything out of pure joy and euphoria.

You're not running down to Vegas to bet the next mortgage payment on black just 'cause you hit your sales numbers for the week at work.

Any and all life decisions should be made from a place of clarity. So how can someone be fully sure they're making the right decision coming from a place of deep pain, hurt and disappointment?

Answer… they can't.

That's why you need to:

Step Four: Show, don't sell.

No one wants to stay in a relationship that feels like guilt, pressure, or desperation.

They want to stay in a relationship that feels like home. So ask the questions that bring back the feeling they're looking for:

“What memory from us still makes you smile?”

“What version of us do you still believe in, even a little?”

“What would it take for us to feel like a team again?”

See how that works? These questions are how you illicit the whole story from them. These questions are going to help them zoom out and see more than just what's wrong.

And there is always more here than just the pain.

These questions aren't just reserved for the couples in crisis. Your relationship could be a 7 outta 10 and it would still be a good idea to ask them. Why? Cause there is always room for better. It's always a good time to get the real vitals of your relationship, if only just to see how healthy it is and how it could be made even healthier.