5 things we're teaching our kids that we never learned.

My parents forgot to teach me something really important when they raised me: Emotional safety.

Truthfully, my mom was the avoidant peacekeeper. And my dad was the tyrant boy-king that scared everyone, neighbors included. He’d yell so loud the neighbors thought he was arguing with them.

So I made a promise to my wife: I’m going to build the security I never had growing up.

Here’s how I do it:

1. I speak up. Immediately.

I don’t hold things in. Nothing is too “radioactive” to talk about. If something’s wrong, my wife and I discuss it. No tip-toeing. No landmines. Just honesty. 

2. We never wake up or go to sleep without a hug and a kiss.

It takes 10 seconds and zero effort. I wake up earlier than my wife and so when she finds me in the living room writing captions for my Instagram reels, she walks right over and gives me a hug and kiss. Before bed, I find her and do the same. It’s so automatic now, I couldn’t forget it in the same way I couldn’t not brush my teeth.

3. We say thank you, a lot.

Gratitude isn’t scarce in our marriage. It’s a daily ritual. It can be hard to remember but it delivers an incredibly important message to them: I see you. 

4. We ask, “How can I show up better today than I did yesterday?”

This is one of the vows I make all my clients take when they begin working with me. Why? Because if we can’t commit to being better today, then what are we really doing? 

I mean, are you telling me you’d rather drift sideways through marriage than grow? Not me. I’m in it to win it and can’t wait to see what good things are coming to me and my wife because we’re committed to evolving for one another.

5. We forgive, and fast.

There’s no cold shoulder or silent treatment in our house. We don’t hang onto resentments. Resentment kills curiosity. And it’s the curiosity you have for your partner that reminds them that they’re exactly where they are meant to be. Trade resentment for kindness and grace. Trust me, it’s a trade worth making. 

If you didn’t have parents who taught you these things either, welcome to the club.

But here’s the thing: you don’t have to repeat the same pattern.
 

You can build something better. Safer. Stronger.

You just have to decide you’re done living in survival mode.