You're not needy. You're just human.

Is there something wrong with you because you want to be reminded that you’re lovable?

Of course not. But somehow, we’ve been tricked into thinking that asking for reassurance makes us needy, anxious, or insecure.

Let’s call that what it is: a collective love lie.

Because here’s the truth: every human being on the planet wants to feel loved, chosen, and cherished. And not just once. We want it often. Daily, even.

We don’t shame kids for needing to hear “I love you” at bedtime. We don’t scold our 8-year-olds for wanting praise when they bring home four A’s and a C. We praise the A’s. We high-five them. We tell them they’re wonderful because we want them to feel wonderful.

So why the hell do we stop doing that in our relationships?

Let me say this loud and clear:

If you want your partner to remind you that you’re lovable, say that.

If you want to hear “I’m committed to you,” say that.

If you want to feel chosen every single day, say that.

You are not asking too much. You are asking for what every child, every spouse, every human on this earth wants: to know they matter.

Here’s the kicker: in the early days of your relationship, you did this for each other. You listened closely. You said “I love you” all the time. You were mindful of your words and how they landed.

Then life showed up — mortgages, kids, drop-offs, job loss, aging parents — and you got less mindful of each other and more mindful of everything else.

And that’s when the roommate zone creeps in.

The intimacy slows. The affection disappears. And both of you start assuming the other person should “just know” they’re loved and appreciated.

They don’t. They won’t. And that assumption? It’ll kill your marriage slowly.

So what’s the fix?

Swing the pendulum back.

Remind them they matter. Say the words. Ask for the words. Every day if you need to. And if they can’t give it to you? Keep asking. If you need it and they get tired of hearing it, they can leave. Or you can.

But ideally? You both come to the table and ask each other the one question I want to tattoo on your soul:

“How can I help you get more of what you want?”

That’s the whole damn point of love.

And it’s the core of the Chosen & Cherished Method.

***

Now I want to hear from you.

Have you ever been made to feel “needy” just for asking for love?

Has your partner stopped saying “I love you,” and it’s left you aching for a reminder?

Write me your story. Or ask your question. I read every single reply.

We weren’t made to figure this out alone. And I promise - there’s nothing wrong with wanting to feel wanted.